Desperate...

Are you desperate?  Do you know what it means to be desperate?  This is another one of those blogs where I am going to clue you into a more personal area of my life.  God really laid it on my heart to share this through a blog....so here it goes.

On Monday night, I was given the opportunity to go to coffee with a very close friend of mine.  She doesn't know it yet, but our conversation literally brought me to my knees.  Our time together made me realize the desperation I feel in my heart.  After coffee, I returned to my room, and started sobbing.  I couldn't stop.  I couldn't hold it in any longer.

After so long of building up a wall between myself and God, the desperation for Him had finally come back.  After so long of putting my hopes and dreams ahead of Him, my desperation for Him alone had finally come back.  After so long of shoving God into second place, my desperation for Him had finally come back.  Do you know what it means to be desperate?  To want so desperately?  To hunger so deeply for God?

We make excuses about the times that we are far from Christ.  We just pass them off as "dry seasons."  Well, I also passed off my distance from God as a "dry season."  But I didn't prepare for God to rescue me from my dry season.  I wasn't willing to become desperate enough to allow Him to rescue me.  You see, desperation drives us to action.  Desperation drives us to a spirit of humility and willingness...a willingness to seek God honestly and wholeheartedly.  Without desperation, we lack a deep relationship with Christ.

Desperation means falling to our knees in want of Christ alone.  Desperation is knowing God is the only one who can fill the void.  Desperation makes us realize how lost we are without God.  Desperation drives us into action, into seeking God with a burning passion.  Desperation drives us to spread God's Word among unbelievers.  Without desperation, where is the fire for Christ?

Please, don't make my mistake.  Don't lose your desperation for Christ.  Don't lose your burning fire to be so extremely close to Him and all He is.  Cling to Him desperately.  Be desperate...

Breathe by Michael W. Smith

 

A Beautiful Ugly

I have been wanting to write this blog post for about two weeks now, so sorry I just haven't gotten around to it quite yet.  It is actually a pretty personal experience, so I hope you will get to know me a little better through it.  Anyways, here it is...

A couple of weeks ago I was given the opportunity to go on a retreat with a group of really awesome girls.  We traveled up to Custer State Park in the gorgeous Black Hills of South Dakota.  I have always had a special place in my heart for the Black Hills, mainly because we used to vacation there all the time when I was growing up.

Well I was having so much fun with everyone, but I also knew that I needed some time to spend with God...just the two of us.  Truth is, He wanted to spend some time with me too.  So, He managed to get me out of bed before 6:30 a.m. the next morning.  Nobody else was awake yet, so I was able to sneak out of the house and into the beautiful hills that surrounded our cabin.

I began to climb the steep hill right behind the place we were staying.  The sun wasn't even fully up yet.  The morning was crisp and cool.  The smells of fall in the Black Hills flooded my nose and brought a smile to my face.  As I continued my ascent, my mind began to reel with so many thoughts about life.  God reminded me that He truly is our rock.  You see, the hill I was climbing was covered in slick pine needles.  Footing was loose, and I would often slip downward.  Throughout the slick climb, I would keep looking upward for the next place of solid footing.  There were large boulders placed all along the side of this hill.  I knew that if I could just get to the next boulder, I could be safe from slipping and take a rest.  My life is just like this climb.  I have steep hills and trials to climb.  All I can do is keep planting one foot in front of the other.  Sometimes things get really slick and unstable along the way.  I slip backwards on the pine needles.  But God always reminds me to look up and find the next rock, the next place of rest.  When I finally make it to that place of rest, the solid rock in the side of a slick-steep hill, God wraps me in His arms and reminds me of how peaceful and loving He is.  

As awesome as my morning already was after this breath-taking (literally) climb, the story does not end here.  I kept climbing and climbing to, what I thought, was the top of the hill.  After several rests on the rocks, I finally made it to the real top of the massive hill.  God directed me to a lone rock on the ledge.  I climbed on top and could see miles of trees.  I was also able to spot the Needles.  (If you have never seen the Needles in the Black Hills, stop right now, and go "google" a picture of them!)  The sun was on the rise, and I was blessed enough to see God highlight the Needles with fresh morning sun rays.  It was one of the most amazing sights I have ever seen in God's creation.

Then God turned my attention to a tree on the side of the hill I was on.  It was a lone tree, with no leaves, no branches, no bark.  The tree had been through a fire and was badly burned.  The tree was scarred.  It was cracked.  It was streaked with the pain of the flames.  But even with all the scars, cracks, and pain, that tree was so beautiful.  The black and brown colors mixed together in a way that was truly pleasing.  All the things that made it ugly on their own came together to make it beautiful.  The tree God directed my attention to was a beautiful ugly.  

God showed me so much through one little burned tree.  I have so much pain, ugliness, and sin in my past, sin and ugliness that I don't even like to face.  I have felt pain so deep that it has developed into anger and caused cracks and scars on my heart.  These things in my life are so cracked...so scarred...so ugly.  But then God takes my ugliness, my pain, my cracks, and He brings them all together.  And He makes something so beautiful out of something so ugly.  He makes someone so beautiful out of someone so ugly.  It's a beautiful ugly.